Virginia is for (Dog) Lovers

I JUST NEED TO VENT

today is thursday. i got my marketing research exam back, and i got a 97 or 98 on it. pretty rad, yay me, especially for studying all of...maaaaaybe 45 minutes.

i spent the last 6 hours, plus 2.5 in class hours, TODAY, in ceramics. that is a total of 8.5 hours, plus clean up. and to show for it, i RAKU(!!!) glazed 6 vases that can fit in my hand, made part of a tea pot, unfortunately redecorated my outfit with spilled clay and glaze, smell like ash, and wasted about 10 pounds of clay in failed wheel throwing attempts.

wat makes me mad/exhausted/grrr, is that i suck at ceramics, and yet i would rather do ceramics over marketing. no matter how much outside class time i put in to practice, the things i make never come out like how i want, and *blah blah blah i whine* my classmates, who are pretty much all a couple years younger than me, are soo much better than i am. yes, i shouldnt compare my work to theirs, but its hard when i try really hard and my stuff still turns out really shitty. wat keeps me going is that i REALLY want to do better, and i am improving, even if its at a really slow pace.

i guess im scared that im gonna graduate next yr with a degree in marketing, and no purpose or passion in life. and even tho i like ceramics i cant fall back on that cos i suck. mebe it was all the raku firing and standing around rubbish bins with newspaper on fire inside that i thought of homeless people in movies and got scared cos that might be me in a few years. and that im at HOME typing this, and rite now id rather live in a rubbish bin or under the tree next to the art building on campus (theres already one guy living there). my brain has stopped processing thoughts coherently and thoroughly. i just wanna go to the beach right now, or do more wheel throwing...

lastly, i cut my thumb on a plastic bottle of face wash...i have no CLUE how that happened, and its a pretty deep, bout 1 cm long gash from my nail. im blaming my sukiness in ceramics on that, so hopefully ill be better in time for our final exam next tuesday...

*so stoked that ppl r coming home for tday and "cya next christmas break" is really really REALLY UNBELIEVEABLY soon*

for a variety of reasons, im leaving for the great barrier reef today by myself. im travelling and staying at a hostel by myself... im hoping to come back from the trip a more independent, aware person because god knows i need to grow up.

my mom doesnt kno that im travelling by myself, or else she wouldnt have bought my plane ticket. also, im travelling without a mobile n laptop (yay easy check in at airport) so the purpose of this xanga entry is, well if u dont see me on aim by saturday nite, something happened and please be worried. ummm, mebe call the cops and report me as a missing person.

*big deep breath* im really looking forward to the trip and pretty sure evrythings not only gonna be fine but im gonna have a blast. this is jus in case. mahalos for reading this.....................

and to end on a happy note, these r stuff i i expect to see: